Be Kind to Yourself: The Weight of It All

via Pinterest

You know the saying, 'I'm rubber and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you'? Yeah. I hate that saying.


This is actually kind of a hard post to write. But I think it's important because I was inspired by a guy at the pool yesterday who I overheard telling his friends how fat he thought I was. Of course, I immediately felt embarassed and hurt. My first reaction was to think, I should leave. I don't belong here. I want to go home.


Maybe it's a sign of my own personal growth that I didn't completely fall apart or shut down. I'm kind of surprised that it didn't hurt more. Maybe it's because I know that I am beautiful. Maybe it's because I'm positive that stranger's comments had a lot more to do with something going on inside of him than they had to do with me.


Lately, I have been so inspired by some interviews with one of my favorite singers, Grammy Award winner, Adele Adkins. Not surprisingly for the entertainment industry, Adele is constantly receiving questions and criticism about her weight. "My aim in life is never to be skinny," she said once. And later, in Rolling Stone, "[T]hat's not what my music is about. I don't make music for eyes. I make music for ears." I find her confidence and obvious joy in who she is so refreshing. It gives me hope for my own self-image.


But I am learning that part of being kind to myself is letting the worst things, the unkind things, pass through me, not letting them stay inside of me, festering, putting down roots. It's silly for us to think that we can deflect the hurtful things people say about us. The human heart feels pain. And that's okay. I am giving myself permission to feel pain but to let the poison in those words fall away.


This post really isn't about fat or skinny. It's about caring for yourself. Because our worth cannot be tied up in how we look or what we wear or own. Worth is inherent in you and in me. Worth is in the soul. I hope today you will find a minute to be kind to your soul. Like Adele says, "I don't have a hole in my soul!"

ADELE

Source: aheartisaspade.com via Lynn on Pinterest

PS: I have jumped on the Bloglovin' bandwagon. So if you are a Bloglovin' person, feel free to follow Love is the Adventure there. You can click the link above or the widget on the sidebar.


Also, today is the LAST day to enter the Teeny-Tiny Spa Giveaway! It's easy to enter - just be an official follower of this blog and comment telling me that you are. You can earn a second chance to win if you follow me on Twitter and then tweet to let me know. I will be announcing the winner tomorrow morning so be sure to stop by!


Stranded with Sarah: a digital media review

My friend Sarah was recently marooned on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. In the interest of the blog (and my own curiosity), I asked her to share about that experience with us. And since she's probably going to be stuck there for awhile, we can probably make this a monthly thing. Read on to hear her thoughts...

Dear Elizabeth,

I'm very glad that you are at home, or at the library, or at your
favorite little hipster cafe with your laptop, drinking your
caffeinated drink, while I sit out here on my desert island with
absolutely nothing to do. I'm also very glad that you finally found
where I was, and that rather than sending someone to rescue me
immediately, you opted to make me write a post for your little blog
about my experiences. "What's it REALLY like to be stranded on a
desert island, Sarah? Let's get to the bottom of this."

Unfortunately for you, I am not interested in playing that game.
Instead, this letter will be me DEMANDING for some things that I would
really love to have out here, just so I can, you know, pass the time
while I starve to death. Amazingly I have a computer to type this on,
as well as wifi to email it to you and a power outlet to make sure my
laptop doesn't die. Which also means that I have a CD and DVD player,
so don't let any of your blog readers get smart with me on that count.
This is a super weird island, okay, don't ask questions. The outlet is
at the base of the palm tree.

First of all, please send me a copy of  Oh the Glory of It All by Sean Wilsey.

This is my favorite book of all time, and I greatly desire to
reread it. It's a memoir by this dude named... Sean Wilsey... and it's
about... his life... okay look, he had famous parents and they were
ridiculous and made him deal with a bunch of ridiculous things when he
was growing up in San Francisco in the 80s. It's really well written
and if you like stuff  by Dave Eggers, you will probably like this
book.  Not that YOU will ever read it, Elizabeth, because you never
read any books I recommend to you. Except for The Hunger Games. But
that's one book recommendation. And you only read THAT because I
actually bought it for you and sent the physical copy to your
apartment. One book in more than ten years of friendship.

Hey, so how long do we have to be friends before you'll come rescue me
off a desert island? Just wondering.

Next, please send me a copy of Ellie Goulding's album Lights. I have
really been digging this one lately. I mean, I WAS digging it. Before
I mysteriously wound up out here on this island. This album is full of
fun dancey music that makes me happy, which I need badly these days,
what with being STRANDED ON A DESERT ISLAND and all. Seriously though,
Ellie Goulding is great. Not so much live, but nobody's perfect. Also,
by the way, I dig things now. Literally. That's what happens when you
get stranded on a desert island and don't have any fresh water.

Finally, I'd really appreciate it if you could get me all five seasons
of Friday Night Lights on DVD. That will tide me over until the next
time you force me to write a blog post about something. Not like I
even need to explain this one, but FNL is a flawless and amazing show
that will make even the most shriveled black dead heart feel alive
again. (Not that I'm naming names, Elizabeth.) And for all your snobby
blog readers who might be all, "ew, Friday Night Lights, isn't that
about football, no thank you," please make sure they are aware that
this show does not require an interest in football to fall in love
with it. And anyway, as Coach says... you do love football, you just
don't know it yet.

I hope that's good enough for your little blog, Elizabeth. In addition
to these items, FOOD AND WATER would be greatly appreciated. Meanwhile
I'll just be over here sitting underneath my palm tree, licking the
inside of the only coconut I was able to crack open for nourishment,
praying I don't die from sun stroke.

Love,

Sarah

Sarah received her B.A. in Film and Digital Media from Baylor University in 2010.When she is not marooned on a desert island, Sarah lives and works in Los Angeles, California, where she is currently attending a post-graduate screenwriting program. For a daily dose of Sarah and her life in LA, visit her at her blog, Sarahcastically.

Love Makes Us Brave

via Pinterest

I was reading a couple blogs this morning and it made me think a lot about bravery and about what makes me brave.

I'll just start by saying I am NOT a risk-taker and I never have been. If it's illegal or against the rules, if it involves sharp corners, great heights, or hazardous material, if it requires me to succeed athletically or physically, if there is absolutely any potential for physical harm or possibility of repurcussions from an authority figure, chances are good that I haven't tried it. I can't even count the number of times I have been told I was "too cautious," "a goody-goody," and even "boring." Ask Kyle what drives him the craziest and he'll probably tell you it's my inability to back-seat drive him everywhere (slow down, that's a cop, turn on your signal, where are your wipers, the music is too loud). I swear, I could try the patience of a saint (or two).

The fact is, I have both an overactive fear of authority and an overactive imagination (I am constantly calculating the risk involved in everything). Not only is this exhausting for me (and everyone around me, I'm sure), but I know that I am really NOT taking God at His word.

"I've got this," He says.
"Okay, yeah, but I'll just...help you hold it up, okay?"
"No, really, Elizabeth. I've GOT this."

But when I met Kyle almost seven years ago...something totally unexpected happened. I got really brave. I kind of stepped out into this incredible unknown and though I ponder it from time to time, I can't really figure out why I took the risk. Pretty much everything about my relationship with Kyle has required an amount of bravery. If you've been following this blog for awhile, you probably have heard about a lot of that.

What I've realized, though, is that a huge part of the reason I fell in love with Kyle was that he was just so brave. So bold. Daring. Maybe a little stupid. Kyle is the guy that used to skateboard off of roofs in high school and shock himself with a dog collar "just to see what it would feel like." I suppose the line between foolhardiness and courage is pretty thin but WOW! What a brave guy. I admire his physical strength and his agility and his utter willingness to throw himself so completely into things. Snowboard on a double black diamond? "Sure!" Innertube down the Yampa? "No problem!" Fall in love and propose to a girl five months later? "Sounds good!"

It would take me the rest of the day to list all the things I have tried since I have been with Kyle - things I never felt courageous enough to do before. But I am reminded today that love has made this too-cautious-too-careful-goody-goody-scaredy-cat BRAVE.

via Pinterest

So what makes YOU brave? What would you like to be braver about?

Be Kind to Yourself: The $7 Vacation

It’s that time of year, isn’t it? It feels a little like everyone and their grandma is taking a vacation.

“Where are you going on vacation?” we usually ask.

“Oh, nowhere special just the Bahamas/Hawaii/a Caribbean cruise/St. Barts/a fill-in-the-blank-exotic/tropical-locale-that-you-would-kill-to-visit.”

I know that’s not really true. A lot of us are really struggling to afford lots of things these days and a lot of the people who ARE taking exciting trips have been working and saving to make those happen.

But it was a conversation with some friends about our summer vacations (or lack thereof) that prompted…the mini-vacation. We are very thankful to have a pool in our apartment complex but I was realizing how little time we spend in it. Also very thankful that yesterday brought an entire day of sunshine to the city of Columbus! Back in Colorado, we have more sunshine than air and so I, the eternal sun baby, have learned to take it for granted. But in Ohio, you apparently have to do a special dance and sacrifice some chickens to get the sun to make an appearance (not that I tried that).

I just had this silly little epiphany that being kind to ourselves was not just the big grand week-long vacation or the tropical destination or the money we sometimes have to spend but about the peaceful hour I am fortunate to find in the day-to-day. And I thought, Hey! I can make a frozen drink and sit by the pool for next to nothing!

So yesterday, I ran over to the two cheapest places on earth, Wal*Mart and the Dollar Tree (where, in case you hadn’t heard, everything is exactly a dollar…which is, you know, crazy town for someone like me) and spent about $7 or so for an afternoon at the pool.

Strawberry margarita mix: $2.88 (in case you’re not a margarita girl like me, these babies cost about $8-14 each in a restaurant).

Drink glasses, bendy straws, leis, and tiny umbrellas: $4.79

The book I brought to read, Flapper. This one has been keeping me up late and I think it’s a great “beach read,” too! Click here to check it out on Amazon!

It took a considerable amount of cajoling (enough to make the use of that word in this post necessary) to get Kyle to wake up (after all, he didn’t get home from the night shift until after 9 AM that morning and he was exhausted). And it took all of my feminine wiles to get him to wear that lei for all of the five seconds I needed to snap this picture. And that was also the sum total of time he spent actually wearing it. Dollar. Well. Spent.

It’s a testament to how much I like all of you that I am posting a bathing suit picture. I can’t remember the last time I allowed something like this to happen!

So now I want to know…what kind of mini vacation have you taken or are planning to take? How are you being kind to yourself THIS week? And if you ARE lucky enough to be taking an extra special vacation to somewhere amazing, where are you going and what are you most excited about?

love, elizabeth

PS: If you haven’t already, click here and enter to win the Teeny-Tiny Spa giveaway! And feel free to share the link with your friends and fellow bloggers! I’d love to share it with anyone who is interested.

MY FIRST GIVEAWAY: The Teeny-Tiny Spa

In keeping with my new focus on being kind to yourself, here's a gift to help you be kind to yourself! This is my very, very FIRST giveaway!

The prize…

The Teeny-Tiny Spa

Wait, that should actually be The Teeny-Tiny Spa.

In this box, you’ll find an assortment of hand-picked things, chosen with great care and hope that they make someone feel a little extra special, including some items from one of my favorite stores, Bath & Body Works.

The Teeny-Tiny Spa includes:

- Two mini-candles (Passion Flower and Pineapple Orchid from B&BW)

-Rose bath crystals

-Cherry Blossom shower gel (B&BW)

-Striped terry facecloth

-Pumice stone heart

-Rubber ducky

And my personal favorite…

-The Bathtub Reader: an amusing miscellany for the discerning mademoiselle

This book is full of interesting anecdotes, quotes, and factoids perfect for the bathtub! For instance, did you know that the Oreo was invented in 1912? Neither did I.

How to enter: Just be a follower of this blog (or become one!) and leave a comment on this post letting me know that you are!

Bonus Entry: Follow me on twitter and tweet to let me know!

To follow this blog, click on the “Follow” button on the right side bar and then sign in so that you can officially be listed as a “follower.” You can sign in using Gmail/Google, Twitter, Yahoo!, AIM, Netlog, or OpenID.

The contest will close Thursday, June 30 at midnight and the winner will be chosen at random and announced Friday, July 1.

The Fitzgeralds: Weathering the Storm

I think most of us have an historical period that particularly resonates for us. For me, that decade is the 1920's. I am kind of fascinated by all of it - flappers, prohibition, censorship, women's rights, jazz, art deco, modernism, Freud, the Charleston, the speakeasy, talkies...I'm hoping that at least part of my dissertation will be focused on burlesque and circus in the 20's. There is something about this era of photography and music that totally gives me goosebumps. It's ghostly and almost frightening in its intensity. There is a kind of wild forgotten-ness about the period that I really like.

And my favorite couple of the decade...F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald. Though F. S. is the famous one for his many novels (esp. The Great Gatsby and This Side of Paradise), Zelda was also an artist and a novelist. F and Z were definitely the "it" couple at the time and their passionate but tumultuous relationship was well-documented. And even though I'm pretty sure Kyle and I have a healthier relationship than the Fitzgeralds, I sort of relate to them as two people who were very much in love and yet faced a great deal of sorrow and pain and fear. I guess it's not the storm but how you weather it.

"I don’t suppose I really know you very well - but I know you smell like the delicious damp grass that grows near old walls and that your hands are beautiful opening out of your sleeves and that the back of your head is a mossy sheltered cave when there is trouble in the wind and that my cheek just fits the depression in your shoulder." - Zelda Fitzgerald

"I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it's these things I'd believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn't all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything."

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

F and Z were buried together and the epitaph on their grave is from The Great Gatsby:

"So we beat on. Boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

Stay tuned everyone! Tomorrow I will be announcing my VERY FIRST GIVEAWAY!!!

Mad for Madigan: How to Make Mistakes

 

Dear Readers,

Today I am blogging about forgiveness. As in, i-have-not-done-a-post-a-week-like-I-promised-forgive-me-please.

Forgiveness is big in this house, specially since the ‘rents have to ask for it so often. I swear, if I hear, “Oh, Madigan, I’m so sorry I didn’t share my bean burrito with you” or “Maddy, please forgive me for not telling you how incredibly beautiful you look today” ONE MORE TIME… I kid. I’m actually extremely underappreciated. But that’s another post.

It may surprise you to know that even I, Madigan, sometimes need forgiveness. Confession time: Sometimes…I pee in the house. I know I’m not supposed to. I know that if I let Dad know, he’ll take me outside. But sometimes, darn it, those stairs just look a little steep and those rain clouds look a little gray. And hey, carpet, grass, grass, carpet. It all feels the same to me. Terrible, I know. But I have learned to forgive myself. Accidents happen…or so I keep telling Mom.

And while I have pretty much mastered this, I’ve noticed people have a much more difficult time forgiving themselves. But here’s the deal-i-o, human companions, and I realize that for most of you, this is revolutionary: You. Are. Not. Perfect. You will never BE perfect. Start thinking about mistakes like Things You’ve Eaten From the Garbage; some of them tasted pretty gnarly but hey…now you know you don’t like soggy cornbread and leftover guacamole. Scarf up those mistakes. Swallow them without chewing! Gack ‘em up on the carpet if you feel like it!

I’ll forgive you if you comment.

Stay spectacular,

Mad

 

Seriously, who WOULDN’T forgive this face?

So Much She Loved the Man…

 

"So much she loved the man, so close and closer she felt herself that he became distorted in her vision, like pressing her nose upon a mirror and gazing into her own eyes. She felt the lines of his neck and his chipped profile like segments of the wind blowing about her consciousness. She felt the essence of herself pulled finer and smaller like those streams of spun glass that pull and stretch till there remains but a glimmering illusion. Neither falling nor breaking, the stream spins finer. She felt herself very small and ecstatic. Alabama was in love.”

- Zelda Fitzgerald, Save Me the Last Waltz

A Peaceful Home

One thing I’m learning is how connected a peaceful home is to a peaceful spirit. I do really love the way certain things in the house make me feel…the beautiful books…the old window frame…the painting of Kyle in the hall…my new record player…But creating a peaceful home isn’t just about the lovely things you put in it. It’s about cleanliness and organization – nothing like a sparkling stainless steel sink or a dust-free bookshelf to make me smile! But I think really, a peaceful home is mostly about the love with which you keep your home and the people in it.

What about you? What helps make your home feel peaceful?

10 Famous Dads on Father’s Day

In honor of Father’s Day, Kyle and I came up with a list of ten famous (to us, anyway) dads. We thought we’d let them each offer their wisdom on fatherhood.

President Barack Obama:

“We need to set limits and expectations. We need to replace that video game with a book and make sure that homework gets done. We need to say to our daughters, Don’t ever let images on TV tell you what you are worth, because I expect you to dream without limit and reach for your goals. We need to tell our sons, Those songs on the radio may glorify violence, but in our house, we find glory in achievement, self-respect, and hard work. […]

But on this Father’s Day, I think back to the day I drove Michelle and a newborn Malia home from the hospital nearly 11 years ago—crawling along, miles under the speed limit, feeling the weight of my daughter’s future resting in my hands. I think about the pledge I made to her that day: that I would give her what I never had—that if I could be anything in life, I would be a good father. I knew that day that my own life wouldn’t count for much unless she had every opportunity in hers. And I knew I had an obligation, as we all do, to help create those opportunities and leave a better world for her and all our children.” (Parade Magazine, June 21, 2009)

Red Forman: Work is work. You don’t show up late. You don’t make excuses. And you don’t not work. If it wasn’t work, they wouldn’t call it work. They’d call it “super wonderful crazy fun time” or “skip-a-dee-doo.” (That 70’s Show)

Mr. Bennet: “An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do." (Pride and Prejudice)

Coach Eric Taylor: “Alright, listen up. I’m supposed to give you some fatherly and wise advice at this time in your life. Listen up. If you’re wondering if a boy’s thinking about you, he’s not. He’s thinking about sex or he’s hungry, those are the only two options.[…] That’s what they do, that’s why they lie. They’re gonna leave you waitin’ around for them to call and they won’t call. They’re gonna be cruel and they’re gonna be misleading.[…] You are beautiful, you are sensitive, you are sweet, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.” (Friday Night Lights)

Homer Simpson: “I won’t lie to you; fatherhood’s not easy like motherhood.” (The Simpsons)

Special Agent Seeley Booth [on his son, Parker]: “…don't think of him as a kid. Just think of him as a short guy who's not allowed to drink.” (Bones)

Rupert Giles [I know he’s not technically Buffy’s dad but he might as well be]: “I appreciate your thoughts on the matter, in fact I encourage you to always challenge me when you feel it's appropriate; you should never be cowed by authority. Except, of course, in this instance, when I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong.” (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Darth Vader: “You are unwise to lower your defenses.” (Return of the Jedi)

My dad, Paul, taught me that if you’re extraordinary (or a little weird), you don’t need to work to be normal just to fit in. Stay weird! Oh, yeah, and the need for “peace, love, and groovy things!”

- Kyle

My dad, Eric, taught me to value books and stories and words and that it’s okay to cry when they affect you deeply. Dad would read to me almost every night. He’d do all the different voices of the characters (maybe that’s why I became an actor!) and he would choke up reading the beautiful descriptions.

- Elizabeth

Be Kind To Yourself

During a recent counseling session with my therapist, I began listing off all the things I hated about myself, all the ways I was sure I had failed. I wasn’t disciplined enough, I told him. I was unsure of my path. I say the wrong thing. I second-guess every relationship and friendship I have. I am constantly questioning my abilities and my feelings. There’s a drum beat in my head and it’s sounding off the same, familiar rhythm again and again. You are not good enough. You are not good enough.

My counselor smiled at me as I told him all of this and his eyes were sad. “You’re not very kind to yourself, are you?” he asked. That hit me hard.

The whole notion of “taking care of yourself” is deceptively simple. Often, I think, I say that I am. Maybe I even think that I am. I rush through the day, moving too quickly to really consider how things are hitting me, affecting me. But lately, I’ve been making a concerted effort to stop and take a real kind of inventory of my state of being. Am I being kind to myself? Am I okay? And if I’m not, is it okay that I’m not okay? Too often, I find myself stepping quickly over the most painful moments because I feel like I don’t have the time or energy to feel them or let them pass through me.

I guess that’s what this summer is about for me. I want to be kind to myself. I want to learn how to do that. I want to learn to be more patient with my heart and more gentle with my soul. I’ll be making an effort to keep blogging about the self-kindness journey. What about you? What can you do to be more kind to yourself this week?

Operation: Coffee Table

When we left Colorado, we had to leave behind one of my favorite pieces of furniture, a large coffee table that Kyle and I had made together the first summer we were married. It’s something that used to receive tons of compliments (and even offers to buy it!) but it was just too big for the truck and too big for our new, smaller apartment. We’ve been making do with a small used coffee table from the thrift store. But YESTERDAY, I was inspired to recreate our first coffee table on a smaller, more apartment-appropriate scale. Thought I would share the before and after pics with you! This is an easy, inexpensive project and turned out pretty well, if I do say so myself.

Coffee table: $6.99, Goodwill

Mod-Podge decoupage glue and foam brushes: $7.77, Hobby Lobby


 Second-hand books to cut up: $13.41

I went through and chose images with color, texture, and text that resonated with me. Then I cut, tore, and ripped them out of old books from the thrift store.

This project is fun for me because you can be so liberal with your use of glue. The most important thing is overlap things, to layer contrasting images or colors, and to press in the creases with the end of the brush or the side of your finger.



The finished product! Total cost: $28.17 and 5 hours.

Anyone else doing any fun DIY projects this summer?

GUEST POST: Jenni from Story of My Life

Today, I am honored to be welcoming my very first guest blogger, Jenni, who writes a beautiful (and extremely popular) blog full of gorgeous pictures of her family, her adorable dogs, Gracie and Cooper, her darling home, and all the great places she's been visiting. Not only was Jenni was my very best childhood friend but she continues to inspire me as a blogger and a photographer (although I am nowhere NEAR as talented as she is in either department!).




Why, hello Elizabethans.  My name is Jenni, and I blog over at Story of My Life.  Elizabeth and I were the bestest of friends way back when we were suuuper nerdy homeschooled kids both living in Germany.

Now we're just super nerdy grown-ups.  Some things never change.

I found a mildly terrifying rather endearing picture of us together back in our glory days, but I seem to have misplaced it now.  I wish I had it to share with you.

Anyway, Elizabeth and I reconnected thanks to the wonderful world of Facebook, and I have so enjoyed getting to know my sweet childhood best friend again.  Elizabeth is a doll isn't she? And hilarious. And disgustingly smart.  All traits which, I remember quite well, she embodied at the tender age of 9, as well. 

While rummaging around in my "memory box" the other day (the place I put all of the funny little trinkets I don't have the heart to throw away), I stumbled upon an old letter that Elizabeth wrote me after my family moved back to the U.S. and away from hers (we were 9 or 10 at the time).  I must have laughed for days after I read it, and it seemed appropriate to share it here. 

"Ynnek" is code for Kenny, by the way.  He's the boy we BOTH had a major crush on.

Oh, and I used to spell my name with a Y (it wasn't a typo).

Enjoy.

My favorite parts are:

Who will tell me to put my glasses on?

and

I will tell you what Ynnek looks like.  Remember our code words, Jenny

and

As soon as your email is hooked up, write me!  It is important to the well-being of our children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren!

Hilarious.  I'm sure you need no further proof that we were pretty darn nerdy.

Thanks for reading!  Come visit me at SOML any time!

Story of My Life

.......

Cough. I don't think anyone is surprised that I went on to get THREE degrees in theatre. I'm so surprised Jenni saved that! On a serious note, I really did cry for weeks when Jenni moved away. For a nine-year-old to lose her best friend across an entire ocean was pretty devastating. Very grateful for technology and the ability to reconnect after all this time.

So if you're not already addicted to Jenni's remarkable blog, go visit her right now and say hi! A million thank-you's to her for taking the time to post here today!

If you're visiting Love is the Adventure for the first time, I hope you'll come back again! I love having you here!