impossible until it’s not

This was in my fortune cookie the other night.

The hard things keep coming, don’t they? Sometimes I stare at the calendar and think, There is no way I will make it to May. There is no way I will make it through next week. I am so quick to jump ahead to all the things in the universe I can’t imagine shouldering right now. If we got a bill for x amount of dollars, I could not pay it. If I had to turn in my dissertation prospectus tomorrow, I wouldn’t be ready. If a giant robot took over Columbus and forced all humans underground, I wouldn’t have enough bottled water to keep us alive.

I am learning to trust. It’s slow but I’m learning. I try to think back to the all the impossible things I’ve done. Passing my candidacy exam felt impossible. It felt huge, insurmountable. But I did it. Step by step. It’s not as if one minute I was a PhD student and the next I was a PhD candidate. It was night after day after night of reading. It was one exam day at a time, one sentence at a time, one question at a time, one book at a time. It was impossible…until the moment it wasn’t.

I am struggling not to leap ahead to the next impossible thing I can’t imagine overcoming. Some days, I feel scared out of my  mind by how much feels impossible. But that is not how we are supposed to live. That is not how I want to live. 

Things are only impossible…until they are not.

love, elizabeth

Parting the Sea

I had a discouraging morning. Without boring you with the details, let’s just say I made some discoveries during a graduate school event that have reminded me of exactly HOW slim the chances of employment are for someone with a PhD in theatre. It’s actually really, really frightening. I’ve spent the last couple of hours mourning. Mourning my decision years and years ago to major in theatre and not something else, to pursue not one but THREE degrees in this field, to move across the country away from my family and friends and put myself through academic hell for this seemingly useless piece of paper. It’s a dark place, you guys.

I’ve always said that every time I’ve asked for a clear sign, God has opened the door, led me farther down this path. I said, “God, if I’m supposed to go to graduate school, please let me be accepted to the one school I really want to attend.” And then I was accepted. I said, “God, if I’m supposed to go to graduate school, please let me have funding.” And I got funding. I said, “God, if I’m supposed to get my PhD, please let me get accepted into the ONE program I applied for.” I got in. Every step, every time.

And this morning, I had a moment of anger and bewilderment. I found myself crying out to God, “Why did you bring me here to Columbus to this program? Why did you get me halfway to my doctorate only to let me discover it’s almost POINTLESS to keep going? Why didn’t you just let me major in nursing??”

And then I was struck, full-force, by a passage in the book of Exodus in the Bible. God has led Moses and the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt (uh, let’s be clear that I am in no way comparing my academic career to actual human slavery). He’s taking them to the Promised Land. God has delivered them from their captors, from their suffering. He has sent plague after plague upon their oppressors. He has delivered them at every. turn. He is actively working to fulfill their dream of freedom and hope and a new life. And then…the Pharaoh of Egypt sends his army after them, to chase them down where they are trapped against the shore of the Red Sea. And so naturally…

"The people began to panic, and they cried out to the Lord for help. […] ‘Why did you bring us out here to die in the wilderness? Weren’t there enough graves for us in Egypt? Why did you make us leave?’” (Exodus 14:10b-11, NLV).

And then…God parts. the. sea. WOW.

It’s like He says to us, “No way forward, huh? I’ll make one. If you would just trust me, Israelites. If you would just trust me, Elizabeth…Trust me and I will part the sea for you.”

 

Source: littleintrovertthings.tumblr.com via Elizabeth on Pinterest

 

This morning I am so humbled by this. I have absolutely ZERO idea what the future holds. Will I finish my PhD? Will I get a tenure-track faculty position at a well-respected university? Will I do something else entirely? I don’t know.

But today, I am asking God to part the sea for me, not so that I can have the most lucrative or high-paying or well-respected job or even so that I can have a steady, stable income and career. Not even that. I am asking God to part the sea and lead me down the path to His dream for me. God, you don’t have to fulfill my dreams. But please, God, fulfill yours through me. Part the sea. And I will cross it.

What about you? What sea are you hoping to cross in your life? I hope today you are ENCOURAGED by the knowledge that God has dreams for you.

love, elizabeth

PS: Stay tuned…a Valentine’s Day giveaway is on the horizon…

New Every Morning

I’m having one of those slump-weeks. You know what I’m talking about. One of those weeks that starts out with all the good intentions of a Sunday night but peters out by Wednesday at noon.

The apartment is a mess. I feel behind I’m on my work already. Perpetually behind, in fact. And I feel like I have no. energy. I know a huge part of this is my Seasonal Affective Disorder and I have to keep reminding myself that it’s the light deprivation causing a lot of this.

This is the verse that got me going today.

“Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.” – Lamentations 3:22-23

 

Source: weheartit.com via Elizabeth on Pinterest

 

God’s compassion and mercy is new every morning and that makes me feel new every morning!

 

What about you? How’s your Wednesday shaping up?

love, elizabeth

This Morning I Am a Wildflower

I woke up worried about money this morning. I think we’ve all had those days. The first-of-the-month bills just seemed a little daunting and the checkbook felt a little thin and I felt a lot worried so I, naturally, shook Kyle awake so he could worry with me. After about twenty minutes of listening to me go through every little miniscule detail of our finances, he murmured a reminder about this to me…

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life^? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

 

Source: flickr.com via Elizabeth on Pinterest

Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.

– Luke 12: 22b-29 (NIV)

So this morning I am a raven, I am a wildflower. and I am putting myself back in the hands of God where I belong.

What about you? How’s your Friday going?

love, elizabeth

PS: The fall giveaway closes tonight at midnight. Have YOU entered?

Why Reorganizing the Pantry Made Me Smile

Well, I can cross SOMEthing off my to-do list! I reorganized the pantry cupboards. At least now I can find everything…sometimes I get all wrapped around the axle wishing I had more storage space, a more sophisticated-looking kitchen, whatever. And then I am reminded that God has always provided EXACTLY what I need. I have never gone hungry. I have never been homeless. If nothing else, cleaning out the pantry has reminded me how faithfully I have been provided for. Again and again and AGAIN.

Here’s The Deep Steep tea I’m always raving about.

Honestly, looking at these pictures is pretty humbling. I know that right now thousands and thousands of people in the world will not have breakfast or lunch or dinner. I am a little embarrassed that I have doubted the goodness of God for even a SECOND. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, God, for my well-stocked pantry and Kyle’s job and the way you have given freely, with both hands, saying, “I will never leave you nor forsake you, Elizabeth.” Wow.

What about you? What’s making you feel thankful today?

love, elizabeth

PS: Stay tuned! Our fall giveaway is just around the corner!

Love Makes Us Brave

via Pinterest

I was reading a couple blogs this morning and it made me think a lot about bravery and about what makes me brave.

I'll just start by saying I am NOT a risk-taker and I never have been. If it's illegal or against the rules, if it involves sharp corners, great heights, or hazardous material, if it requires me to succeed athletically or physically, if there is absolutely any potential for physical harm or possibility of repurcussions from an authority figure, chances are good that I haven't tried it. I can't even count the number of times I have been told I was "too cautious," "a goody-goody," and even "boring." Ask Kyle what drives him the craziest and he'll probably tell you it's my inability to back-seat drive him everywhere (slow down, that's a cop, turn on your signal, where are your wipers, the music is too loud). I swear, I could try the patience of a saint (or two).

The fact is, I have both an overactive fear of authority and an overactive imagination (I am constantly calculating the risk involved in everything). Not only is this exhausting for me (and everyone around me, I'm sure), but I know that I am really NOT taking God at His word.

"I've got this," He says.
"Okay, yeah, but I'll just...help you hold it up, okay?"
"No, really, Elizabeth. I've GOT this."

But when I met Kyle almost seven years ago...something totally unexpected happened. I got really brave. I kind of stepped out into this incredible unknown and though I ponder it from time to time, I can't really figure out why I took the risk. Pretty much everything about my relationship with Kyle has required an amount of bravery. If you've been following this blog for awhile, you probably have heard about a lot of that.

What I've realized, though, is that a huge part of the reason I fell in love with Kyle was that he was just so brave. So bold. Daring. Maybe a little stupid. Kyle is the guy that used to skateboard off of roofs in high school and shock himself with a dog collar "just to see what it would feel like." I suppose the line between foolhardiness and courage is pretty thin but WOW! What a brave guy. I admire his physical strength and his agility and his utter willingness to throw himself so completely into things. Snowboard on a double black diamond? "Sure!" Innertube down the Yampa? "No problem!" Fall in love and propose to a girl five months later? "Sounds good!"

It would take me the rest of the day to list all the things I have tried since I have been with Kyle - things I never felt courageous enough to do before. But I am reminded today that love has made this too-cautious-too-careful-goody-goody-scaredy-cat BRAVE.

via Pinterest

So what makes YOU brave? What would you like to be braver about?