October-ly

It’s almost the end of October. How did that happen so fast?? But not so fast, winter!! I have another few weeks before I have to actually remember that you exist. Right? I do, right? My exams are now just 3 weeks away. I’m starting to look forward to it a little bit. Kyle’s heading to Colorado this weekend to visit his family since we won’t be able to spend the holidays with them. I’m going to miss him but I’m also a teensy bit excited to be a lady bachelor for a few nights. I’m expecting it to be heavy on the cheap wine and N’SYNC solo-dance party.

love, elizabeth

Halloween IV and V: Michael Myers Is the Worst Boyfriend Ever

At this point, you know the drill. No prison can hold him, no man can kill him. “I prayed that he would burn in hell but I knew, in my heart, that hell would have not him.” Apparently, Michael Myers is also too evil for hell. You can also read the recaps for Halloween I, Halloween II, or Halloween III: Season of the Witch. IF YOU DARE…

*SPOILER WARNING

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Halloween IV: The Return of Michael Myers

Aaaaaaaaaaand after a short entre-acte involving…Stonehenge…(???)…we’re back to Michael Myers who is all unconscious from being burned alive in the hospital 10 years earlier. I really feel like we can blame the majority of this movie on the chatty paramedics who are all like, “Lalala, let’s have an exposition party in the ambulance with the unconscious Mike Myers!” so they spend a bunch of time talking about how Michael’s sister (Jamie Lee Curtis, if you’ll recall) died in a car accident (OMGGGGGGGGGG) and her daughter Jamie Junior is now in foster care. And this news is apparently so jolting that it wakes Michael Myers from his fire-coma and he is way overdue for bloodshed so he kills the paramedics and crashes the ambulance. Jamie Jr. keeps seeing visions of Michael Myers so she’s pretty freaked out. But peer pressure knows no bounds so when all of the other kids are like, “haha, jamie’s a scaredy cat! also her uncle is a serial killer, nanananabooboo,” Jamie decides she has to go trick-or-treating like the other kids and must, inexplicably, wear a clown costume identical to the one Michael Myers wore 20 years previous. Meanwhile, Jamie’s foster sister is like, “Crap, having an adopted sister is totally cramping my style, how am I supposed to get smoochy with my boyfriend?” But it doesn’t really matter because her boyfriend is a super sleaze who is making it with the sheriff’s daughter (so, of course, they’re both going to die). Actually, pretty much everyone dies in this movie, except Jamie Jr. and the doctor. Did I forget to mention the doctor is back? Well, he is, and once again, he spends most of the movie running around town with his gigantic pistol and yelling at the incompetent law enforcement. You know…the ushe. Michael Myers ends up crashing his car into an abandoned mine. But then Jamie decides she needs to touch his hand…because I know whenever my uncle chases me all over town on Halloween trying to stab me, that’s what I do…and OMG, SHE IS NOW PSYCHICALLY POSSESSED BY MICHAEL MYERS. Then she tries to stab her foster mother with scissors. The end…and Michael Myers is definitely dead this time. For real. ….

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Halloween V: The Revenge of Michael Myers

So after Halloween IV, the little girl is super traumatized over the whole my uncle-is-a-serial-killer thing so they put her in a hospital for disturbed children (they apparently have one of those in Haddonfield, New Jersey). So while she’s busy being psychically connected to Michael Myers, Michael is busy waking up from his like…eighteenth coma. And because of Jamie’s creepy powers, she can now predict who Michael is going to kill next because she can see inside his mind and…stuff. I don’t know, they don’t really explain this very well. This movie has one of my all-time favorite Michael Myers moments of the entire franchise so far in which he shows up in a sleek black sports car, pretending to be the slutty babysitter’s dirtbag boyfriend (who he has already dismembered) and she gets in the car and starts yelling at him about how he’s a terrible boyfriend. And for some reason he doesn’t kill her. Then when she yells at him to stop at the gas station so she can buy cigarettes…he does. Michael, are you losing your killer instinct? Oh yeah, and the crazy doctor is back and has decided to use Jamie Jr. (who is like 8 years old, by the way) as BAIT FOR THE SERIAL KILLER. So they hang out in Michael’s childhood home and the doctor’s like, “Hey Jamie, brush your hair like Michael’s sister was doing when he, you know, MURDERED HER” and Jamie Jr. is like “Omg, this doctor is crazy and I feel that there is an inordinate amount of pressure on me to help catch a murderer but whatever.” And then Michael shows up and stuff goes down. And Jamie Jr. runs up to the attic where Michael has apparently been sleeping…in a coffin…and, like any sane eight year old, she lays down in it. And then Michael comes upstairs and just as he’s about to stab her, she says, “Uncle?” AND THEN SHE TAKES OFF HIS MASK and we see a single tear on his cheek. And they have a tender half of a second before Michael is like OMG NO I AM EVIL!!! And then the doctor beats him with a stick. And the police take him into custody. And he is totally locked up forever…until like five minutes later when Jamie somehow ends up at the police station that has…exploded…and Michael’s cell is empty. Credits. For real.

Next up…Halloween VI: The Curse of Michael Myers.

love, elizabeth

The Halloween Project: Halloween III

This is our third day into the project (check out recaps of Halloween and Halloween II) and we’re about to recap Halloween III: Season of the Witch. It doesn’t get more nuanced or complex than this. I spoke to a resident film buff named Brock who told me that originally, the plan was for each Halloween film to have a different theme/story but that Michael Myers was so popular, he became the recurring villain. Season of the Witch is the only departure from the Mike Myers saga. So. excited. Hold onto your face masks, this gets complicated.*

*SPOILER WARNING

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A crazy old dude with a Halloween mask is admitted to the hospital and treated for injuries before he is killed by evil zombie/robot men in suits. The doctor who treats him, Daniel Challis, has a moustache. This is how you know he will be a main character. Dr. Moustache already has lots of problems, mainly that he is an alcoholic and that his ex-wife hates him and doesn’t want him to see his kids. But when Dr. Moustache meets crazy old dude’s daughter, Ellie (we’ll just call her Barely Legal), he decides he doesn’t have enough on his plate, what with the whole being a doctor and having a moustache thing, and so he and Barely Legal decide to investigate the death of her father. This, they decide, is obviously related to the cheap Halloween mask he is wearing from some placed called the Silver Shamrock Novelty Company. Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention…John Carpenter hates Irish people. Dr. Moustache and Barely Legal drive out to the factory town of Santa Mira and check into a kitschy motel where they proceed to have weirdly edited, oddly censored 80’s love scenes. In the end, it turns out that the factory is a cover for an old Irish witch-druid dude named Colonel Cochran, who is nothing like his fellow officer, Colonel Sanders. Somehow Cochran has stolen Stonehenge and installed it in his factory. You’ll never guess how he did it! No, really. You’ll never guess. He says that and then he never, ever explains himself. When all the children of the world turn on their televisions for the Silver Shamrock Corporation’s big broadcast event, they will put on their masks, which are somehow linked via computer chip to…Stonehenge…and this…makes their heads explode and spiders and snakes crawl out of their eye sockets (it’s like your mom said, tv will rot your brain). What is Colonel Cochran’s reason for this nefariousness? Does he need a reason? No, really. He wants to know and then no one is able to answer him so he’s like, “This is an ancient sacrificial blood rite on the holiday of Samhain” (because, as we learned in Halloween II, Samhain is the Irish tradition whereupon we kill children and/or sexy teenagers because that’s the Gaelic way! Kiss us, we’re Irish!) and Dr. Moustache is all like tormented and sad and also apparently has 49 minutes before the broadcast so he foot-smashes the television set and escapes into the air ducts and rescues Barely Legal and they dump mask devices on the robots and on Colonel Cochran and this makes all their heads explode. And then Barely Legal and Dr. Moustache drive away while cartoon orange flames light up the night sky (because the factory is now on fire, did I forget to mention that part?). But OMG HUUUUUUUUUGE TWIST, BARELY LEGAL HAS BEEN TURNED INTO A ROBOT BY THE LATE COLONEL COCHRAN AND SHE IS TRYING TO STRANGLE DR. MOUSTACHE! It’s cool, though, because he whacks off her head with a tire iron and gets back in his car but OMG, HE FORGOT THAT HER DISLOCATED ARM IS IN THE PASSENGER SEAT AND IT CAN STILL STRANGLE HIM SOMEHOW! So then he throws it. And it’s all okay. And then he goes to a gas station and somehow convinces the Head of All Television Everywhere that they can’t air the big Silver Shamrock Corporation Broadcast of Doom because it will kill all the children and they totally believe him and cancel the broadcast except OMG THEY TOTALLY FORGOT THE THIRD CHANNEL (THERE ARE ONLY THREE) AND THERE ARE CHILDREN AND THEY ARE WATCHING THIS AND DR. MOUSTACHE IS LIKE, TURN IT OFF YOU HAVE TO TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!! Bam. Credits.

Is your mind as blown as mine is right now? Gaelic Halloween spiders!!?! Side note: some internet research is telling me that the villain’s name is actual Conal Cochran, not Colonel Cochran but I, a) heard colonel not conal, and b) like my version better. Halloween IV…Thursday…be there….

love, elizabeth

The Halloween Project: Halloween II

Yesterday, I shared my 90-second recap of John Carpenter’s Halloween. It’s part of our Halloween project this October. We’re reviewing all the films in the Halloween franchise. Ready for the sequel? Dun, dun, dun.*

*SPOILER WARNING

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This movie picks up about 45 seconds after the first Halloween ended. The doctor runs out into the street to the sheriff’s car, shouting, “I shot him six times! And now he’s gone!” And this right here is basically the entire premise of the film. If you think Michael Myers is dead, you are wrong. So they take Jamie Lee Curtis, who is so traumatized that she spends the majority of this movie shivering and moaning and not doing a whole lot of talking, to what has to be the worst hospital in the entire United States. Haddonfield Memorial Hospital apparently shuts down at like 8 PM on Halloween and just leaves like one nurse in charge of all the babies while two paramedics and a drunk doctor run the emergency room. This means that Jamie Lee Curtis gets plenty of attention, especially from Jimmy, the sensitive “college boy” paramedic. He’s super different than his macho partner who likes to get cozy with nurses in the therapy steam in the hospital basement (this is apparently a really good way to get murdered, in case you were wondering, so…no sexy time in hospital basements unless you want Michael Myers to kill you). Speaking of M.M., everyone else in town, including the sheriff and the doctor, spend the majority of the movie freaking out about him maybe being not dead. They drive around a lot, looking for Michael. They find a word written in blood, “SAMHAIN” and then the doctor explains how the Irish invented Halloween and how evil doesn’t exist in goblins and ghosts but in our darkest selves. Meanwhile, Jamie Lee Curtis is having sedative-induced flashback dreams about this boy named Michael and then OMG WE FIND OUT THAT JAMIE LEE CURTIS IS TOTALLY MICHAEL’S OTHER SISTER AND THAT SHE WAS ADOPTED AFTER HER PARENTS WERE MURDERED!! The last third of the movie is mostly Michael calmly stalking Jamie Lee Curtis around the hospital. He keeps getting stabbed and shot and burned alive until right at the end when he’s totally dead and Jamie Lee Curtis is like, why is this hospital so dark and empty and why is the law enforcement so completely incompetent and how on earth did I get the only hospital gown in history that is NOT backless and embarrassing? Credits.

I feel like these movies are just going to get better and better. Halloween III coming tomorrow…

love, elizabeth

The Halloween Project

When Kyle and I spotted all the Halloween films on VHS at one of my favorite thrift stores, I decided to watch the entire series from start to finish.This led to one of our greatest date nights ever. I think we would probably be really annoying people to watch scary movies with because we spent the entire time doing a running commentary under the dialogue. So here’s my little Halloween project, 90-second summaries of every Halloween movie in the franchise. Aaaaaaaaaaaand go!*

*SPOILER WARNING

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On a rainy night, a nurse and a doctor drive to an insane asylum, as you do, to discover that the insane are no longer safely asylum-ed but are now wandering around. This is a huge uh-oh because the psychopathic Michael Myers was supposed to be locked up there. Michael Myers’ main issues seem to revolve around his overwhelming need to breathe heavily into his mask, stand outside of well-lit windows and murder all physically amorous teenagers in the approximate area. Meanwhile, it’s totes magotes Halloween and Jamie Lee Curtis is a hot, book-loving virgin who is too busy babysitting children and taking care of her incredibly stupid teenage friends (who spend the majority of their time having sex, planning to have sex, and making fun of every one who is not having sex) to even THINK about boys. The doctor shows up in town and is all like, “Omg, Sheriff! I have looked into the devil’s eyes!” And the sheriff is like, “Someone broke into the hardware store and stole some masks and some rope and some knives. Those kids and their crazy Halloween hijinks!”  And Michael Myers spends the majority of the day driving around town, creeping on Jamie Lee and randomly standing by clotheslines. Then it gets dark and Michael gets to murdering. His triggers are apparently female nudity and this song. Michael’s only weaknesses are being stabbed with knitting needles and girls who read books because somehow Jamie Lee continues to avoid getting dead AND continues to be a super responsible babysitter. And just when she’s about to be strangled for reals, the doctor shows up and shoots Michael Myers six. times. with his revolver that he apparently carries with him for his…psychiatric duties? And then Jamie Lee Curtis is all, “It really was the boogey man” and the doctor is like, “As a matter of fact, it was.” And then he goes to look out the window to stare at Michael Myers’ dead body and OMGMICHAELMYERSISTOTALLYNOTHEREANYMORE. Credits.

Stay tuned for the 90-second version of Halloween II…tomorrow.

Do you watch horror movies? Do you have a favorite?

love, elizabeth

And when October goes…

No secret that I love fall but it’s slipping away so quickly! Made a trip to the mall last week and was alarmed to see that Christmas (the commercial version, anyway) is in full swing.
Trying to savor the autumn sun and the last of the beautiful leaves before it gets freezing and gloomy until April, Ohio-style.




This time of year makes me think of this song by Nancy Wilson…



What about you? Anyone else thinking seriously about Christmas yet?

Oh, and be sure to stop by tomorrow for the vintage giveaway...it's going to be rad. And stuff.

love, elizabeth

Inspiration of the Month: Kate

Well, now that October is almost over, it’s high time for another inspiration of the month! Meet Kate.

Kate and I have been friends for eleven very full, very exciting years. We’ve seen each other through some of the worst and best moments of our lives (Kate was my maid of honor five and a half years ago!).

There are so many inspiring things about Kate but here’s a biggie on my list…

Not only is she an amazing career woman and amazing friend, she’s also an amazing wife to a United States Marine. If you’re in the military or married to it, you know what this means.

Long separations, weird hours, lots of moves, some extra worry, and a great deal of sacrifice. I’ve been so thankful to get to keep up Kate and Garrett’s love story over the past few years. As Garrett prepares to deploy, I know they are spending as much time as they can together and preparing for this new part of their love story. Kate and Garrett have a saying that’s been with them since their wedding ceremony…“Stuck together until the end of forever.” It’s become a playful reminder of a very serious commitment. “You married me,” Kate tells him. “That’s it. It’s in the fine print. There are no loopholes. You’re stuck with me!”

Five Fast Kate Facts

- Kate loves dogs but she became a cat person in college. Her cat, Boo, is the second love of her life.

- Her first kiss was in the choir room in 8th grade while practicing a song for the talent show. Uh-huh. Practicing.

- She prefers popcorn to chocolate.

- Kate went skydiving a few years ago. When they threw her out of the plane at 17,500 feet, she cried. She totally wants to go again.

- Halloween has special significance in her love story so she and Garrett went to three haunted houses on their wedding night. Sexy.

You should definitely go follow Kate’s sweet blog, Love Not Distance where she shares her triumphs and struggles as a young military wife. She makes me laugh and I love her honesty and practical applications of love.

Who’s inspiring YOU lately?

love, elizabeth

Haunted Pinecones, etc.

This weekend was definitely a fall-ish one for us here in Columbus. We’ve received some sad news from home and Kyle will be flying back to Colorado next week so we thought we’d soak up as much of the autumn as we could.

We carved pumpkins with some neighbors. They’re two-faced. Uh, the pumpkins. Not the neighbors.

Some of our centerpieces.

I decided to hang twinkle lights in the living room to bring a touch of light and warmth into the room at night. They make me happy. I have seasonal affective disorder and I deal with some mood swings in the fall and winter months. Warm lighting helps!

Cupcakes from scratch.

And last but not least…a story. I spotted these scented holiday pinecones in the Giant Eagle this afternoon and was just putting them in my basket when I heard an ominous voice from behind me…

“You’re going to regret that.”

I turn around to see a little old man staring at me.

“Ex-excuse me?” I asked.

“My wife bought those. I made her throw them away.”

“Because…?”

I waited for him to ominously explain how the pinecones were poisonous or caused rashes or were haunted by forest ghosts or something. But apparently, the gentleman found their scent completely overpowering and determined that they were “stinking up the whole house.”

I smiled politely and left as quickly as I could WITH my pinecones. Drat. I was really hoping for some forest ghosts.

 

How was YOUR weekend?

love, elizabeth

Living with Abandon

“Just remember, the same as a spectacular Vogue magazine, remember that no matter how close you follow the jumps: Continued on page whatever. No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention..."

- Chuck Palahniuk

I don't ever want to feel that collapsed feeling. Am reminded today that my best memories, my happiest hours happened when I truly let go and lived with abandon. So in the spirit of abandon, here are some things I'm doing in the month of October.

Can you guess which thing on this list I am NOT doing?

A. Reporting for jury duty

B. Judging a beauty pageant

C. Performing a vaudeville piece

D. Taking a dance class

E. Driving into the mountains of Pennsylvania

F. Visiting my first haunted house

What about you? What new experiences are you having this month?


love, elizabeth

Giveaway Winner!

True Random Number Generator

Min:1

Max:35

Result:9

Powered by RANDOM.ORG

And the winner is…

Jen from Jennifer March

Jen said...

and I follow you on twitter!

September 23, 2011 9:14 AM

Congratulations to Jen and thank you to everyone for entering!
Happy October!
love, elizabeth