Being Intentional

Here’s the thing about this semester. I feel so lost. Studying for this candidacy exam or comps or generals or whatever it is we call it…it’s completely confusing. I mean, it sounds straightforward when they explain it to you. “Read this list of books. Take a test. Defend your answers. Pass.” But right now I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of reading in four different disciplines within my field and I am petrified that I am screwing this up. I can’t read fast enough or smart enough or carefully enough. There’s the time frame, too. 18 hours of writing…18 hours??? Who thought THAT up? I don’t even know if I have 18 hours of knowledge inside of me. And no matter how many times people tell me that I don’t need to know everything in every book, I still keep trying to read every word of every sentence of every chapter and I just don’t have TIME for that. The exam is two months away and I feel like I know less than ever. All that being said…this too will pass. Like every other impossible academic thing I’ve done so far, it will happen.

I’ve been realizing that a good part of my discouragement is coming from a feeling of aimlessness. I have somehow lost my intentionality.

And it’s not just my study habits that are suffering right now. It’s my downtime. I am realizing that I need to be just as intentional about the time I’m NOT reading as the time I am. It’s not actually restful or helpful if I spend every moment away from my books feeling guilty about not reading, worrying, making lists, or watching hours of mindless television streaming on the internet. I need to be intentional about seeking real rest and real renewal. I need to be intentional about physical activity. I need to be intentional about eating balanced meals and getting enough sleep. I need to be intentional about blogging.

Blogging has been a real place of solace and peace for me in the last couple of years. I really don’t want to lose its place in my routine. But that requires intentional time. I am choosing to blog right now. I am not watching TV. I am not sleeping. And I am not studying. I am blogging.

I guess the thing I’m learning is that being intentional in any circumstance requires you to live, if only temporarily, in that present moment. I need to live inside of a moment instead of trying always to bypass it, rush through it, always planning for the next crisis. I need to be here. With you. For just this moment.

love, elizabeth

Girl Confessions

1. Here’s my favorite picture of the week, taken by my friend Charlesanne.  If this picture doesn’t make you happy to be alive and grateful for sunshine, nothing will. So sweet.
 

2. I have TWO new features coming up on the blog…a brand new link-up called Reality Check (stay posted for more details!) and a new series on local thrift stores…I’m super excited. 

3. There are finally new shoots on my lucky bamboo. Maybe there’s no such thing as luck. But if you knew the survival rate of any plant in my apartment, you’d think it was a lucky bamboo, too.



4. Don’t forget to mark your calendars for the May Day Follow Fest! It’s a great way to discover new blogs and build your readership.




5. I'm giving in to the James Cameron charm and going to see Titanic 3D IMAX this weekend. I expect it to be even more terrifying and kleenex-worthy than usual.

6. My mom just sent me this snapshot from her days in the Navy…isn’t she beautiful?



7. Sometimes it’s hard to stay in the present moment. Especially when I have things to look forward to like pay day or Green Day’s new album or a road trip with my dad this summer…To be at peace with today, this minute, this second…that takes concentration.

Stay posted…Chapter 2 of our love story will be up tomorrow!

Alright, lay it on me. Confessions this week?

love, elizabeth