Hug a Tree Today

 

 

Want to find a unique way to celebrate Arbor Day? Go here and show the trees some love!

love, elizabeth

My first 5K…

I spent part of this weekend at the 5K Race to Eliminate Sexual Violence sponsored by the Ohio National Guard, the Sexual Assault Response Network of Central Ohio (SARNCO), and Deaf Women Against Violence Everywhere (DWAVE). Race proceeds went to benefit SARNCO and DWAVE in assisting sexual violence survivors in Columbus. I’ve done other cause walks before but this has been my favorite so far.

I’m a walker, not a runner, but as you guys know, this issue is really close to my heart and I was really, really jazzed to participate! Kyle actually registered to race with me but he’s been running a fever all weekend and I didn’t want him to get sicker running in the rain so I went solo this time.

Some of the speakers talking about ending violence in our community…

Some of the images I have of today are going to stick with me for a long time, in the best possible way…a father carrying his daughter on his shoulders…another father running with a stroller and twins…a woman with a picture of a survivor (her sister maybe?) pinned next to her race id…and this shot I got as we climbed the last hill…a boy and a girl, probably in their teens, held hands for the last mile.

This race wasn’t just about raising money or awareness or even running. It was about consciously, physically moving in opposition to sexual violence. If you haven’t run or walked for a charity or cause before, it has to be the most empowering feeling being surrounded by 200 other people who are saying that violence in our world is not okay and they’re saying it without saying a thing. I felt a huge amount of love and support and encouragement from the other participants and I was so thankful to spend the morning with them.

It also gave me a newfound appreciation for runners and athletes (you guys are awesome!).

If you want to read more about ending sexual violence in YOUR community, click here and here.

love, elizabeth

Sexual Assault: 7 Myths and Facts

To continue our conversation for Sexual Assault Awareness month, I’d like to share seven of the most common misconceptions our society tends to have about sexual assault. Again, I know this stuff is difficult to talk about but I hope you’ll use some of these facts to spread hope and health among your friends and family! Each of you has the power to affect change just by knowing and sharing good information.

MYTH # 1

If a woman wears revealing clothing or has too much to drink, she is asking to be raped.

FACT

The only thing that causes rape to happen is a rapist. Nothing that someone wears, says, does, or has to drink or smoke makes a sexual assault occur. Victims come in all shapes and sizes and from all different kinds of backgrounds. They wear every kind of clothing, they have every kind of lifestyle. We would never tell someone that they deserved to be robbed because they were carrying money or because they looked vulnerable. Rape happens because someone chooses to rape. The only person responsible for that crime is the perpetrator.

MYTH # 2

If a woman or man does not fight or scream or say ‘no’ firmly, it can’t be rape.

FACT

When sex is used as a weapon, we call it sexual violence. There’s a reason we call it a weapon. The legal truth is that if someone does not actively consent to sexual activity, that is a problem. And if someone does not feel safe to refuse consent, that is coercion. There are lots of reasons someone might not fight back. When I talk to survivors I always try to remind them that whatever they did to stay alive and to survive that moment, they did the right thing, because they survived.

MYTH # 3

Sexual assault mostly happens in dark alleys and bad parts of town.

FACT

Sexual assault can happen anywhere but more than 50% happen either in or near the victim’s home.

MYTH # 4

Rapists are usually strangers hiding in the bushes.

FACT

Something like 80% of victims know their attackers. 38% of them are friends. 28% of them are intimate partners.

MYTH # 5

It’s not rape if you’re married, dating, or have had sex with that person before.

FACT

Consent is something you get to give every time you have sex. That’s your right. No one is allowed to coerce you into doing anything you don’t want to do, even if you’ve done it before, even if you’re married. And consenting to one kind of intimate activity is not consenting to all intimate activities. That’s why having tons of communication and loving, open conversations about intimacy is such a great thing to do with your partner, no matter how long you’ve been together. Who doesn’t want to receive an enthusiastic “YES” from their spouse every time?

MYTH # 6

Men can’t be raped.

 

FACT

Unfortunately, just like women, men are vulnerable to sexual assault by other men and by women. It’s also important to acknowledge that even though physiologically, a man may experience physical arousal during intercourse, that is not the same thing as active consent. Men face a unique stigma as survivors because they’re often told that if they were “real men,” they wouldn’t have let this happen to themselves. They’re also often asked to question their sexual orientation. It’s important to remember that rape is about power, not sex – in this case, sex is just another weapon.

MYTH # 7

Most men are rapists.

FACT

While most rapists are men, most men are not rapists. Men can also experience sexual violence and men can also be a huge part of the solution! I always want to say a special thank-you to the many wonderful men I’ve met and worked with who are passionate about ending violence in their communities. Check out one of my favorite campaigns geared towards men here.

If you or someone you know needs help or has questions, you can call the free, confidential 24/7 National Sexual Assault Hotline and speak with a trained advocate. They can talk with you about anything or they can direct you to your local hotline, as well. 1-800-656-HOPE

What have I missed? Anything you want to add to the list? Thank you, thank you for reading, for sharing, and for supporting. Next time I’ll be talking about how you can specifically help someone who has survived sexual or domestic violence.

love, elizabeth

Rite of Passage: The Day My Blog Became a Woman

Dear sweet blogging community o’ mine, firstly…I have to apologize for my absence. I wrote a week’s worth of posts last weekend and they’ve been posting themselves all week but I have been so swamped with finals and grading and work in the office that I have not had a moment to do much (including eat and sleep). Despite my super lame-ness, many of you have thoughtfully commented and I have loved every single one! Now that my quarter is actually OVER, you can expect many emails/comments/etc. to catch up on all I have missed.

Secondly, it’s time to celebrate because, my friends, officially…today…(choke) my little baby blog became a woman. I checked my email tonight and found (are you ready for this?) my very first…mean comment. OMG, you guys. I thought only super popular, awesome blogs got mean anonymous comments! It was like being tweeted by a famous person. Because who, on the internet is more famous than Mean Anonymous Commenter? He/she/it is seriously everywhere and even though you have no idea what it’s wearing or how it pimps its pad or where it buys those fabulously flattering cyber monikers like “usucksohard92” or “MANPOWER,” Mean Anonymous Commenter definitely has staying power.

And I’m not even going to go into the validity/lack thereof of the succulent little paragraph MAC decided to bestow upon yours truly and her lil’ ol’ blog because really, it’s not the point. We’re not going to stop to ponder how MAC found such an old post (perhaps Googling “women are stoopid”?) We’re not going to question MAC’s motives for the early Christmas gift. We’re not even going to patiently explain the many hiccups in MAC’s logic/reasoning as stated in aforementioned comment. We’re just going to say THANK YOU, Mean Anonymous Commenter. Thank you. Truly. We wear your scorn as it was meant (though surely not intended): as a freaking badge. of. honor.

I took the liberty of drawing up such a badge and I display it here for all to see. Perhaps I shall move it the sidebar where all may enjoy.

Wow. Love is the Adventure is growing up so fast…it seems like just yesterday, she was just an innocent little thing with a readership made up of my mom and my dog. I mean, you all know what’s next! She’s going to want a car and then there’ll be boys…They say you’ve got to give them their wings. Fly, little blog. Fly away. Just stay away from MAC. I know you’ve got a thing for the bad boys but…you can do so much better.

love, elizabeth

Help End Sexual Violence in YOUR Community: DEFEND

It’s still April for another week so let’s talk about a THIRD way we can help fight sexual violence where we live and work and play!
Defend!
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This might seem like an oversimplification. After all, we think, if I actually SAW someone being assaulted or harassed, I would do something about it. Right?
Studies show that this is not always the case. Bystander effect is essentially what happens when a large group of people witnesses someone in trouble and does nothing about it because a) no one else is or b) they assume someone else is.
Most of us, I think, would probably try to say or do something if we saw a woman attacked on the street. Hopefully, that’s a no-brainer. But what about those more ambiguous situations? What about the girl at the party who seems like she’s had a little too much to drink to be leaving with that guy? What about the loud shouting coming from a couple arguing in the parking lot outside of your apartment? And what about that woman at work who looks incredibly uncomfortable when the guys in the next cubicle start loudly comparing personal sexual experiences? Would we do something then? Or would we say, “That’s not my business.” “I shouldn’t get involved.” “If she’s uncomfortable, she’ll say so.”

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And defense isn’t just about defending OTHERS, it’s also about defending ourselves.
Here are some easy ways to defend the vulnerable:
- If dirty jokes or sexually aggressive language is being thrown around the office, say something. Don’t wait for someone else to speak up. If you felt uncomfortable, even for a second, chances are someone else did, too.
- If you’re concerned about someone’s personal safety, do something. If you’re not sure it’s safe to intervene directly, don’t step in yourself. Call security, call 9-1-1, ask another passerby for help. I’ve heard campus police use the expression: “When in doubt, call us out.” Pay attention to your instincts.
- Learn self-defense. Take a class (they’re often offered through community centers, gyms, martial arts studios, and college campuses). The key word, again, is defense. This isn’t about taking on predators in dangerous situations. It’s about knowing how to use your own body (your greatest weapon) to protect yourself and others in peril. Be aware of your surroundings. Lock your car doors. Walk with purpose and confidence.
-Demand that people treat your personal space with respect and care – if someone gets a little too close (ex: at the bus stop, waiting in line, on the sidewalk, or at a party), tell them to give you room. Don’t let the fear of offending someone keep you from feeling safe – a predator will test your boundaries by encroaching on your personal space and a good person won’t be offended if you ask them to give you room.

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As always, thanks for taking the time to read and empower yourselves as men and women to make an impact on YOUR world! Stay tuned for Part 4 of Ending Sexual Violence in Your Community!
Love, Elizabeth