Things Keep Breaking

I seriously love this old, ramshackle apartment. It’s cozy and vintage and it feels exactly like home. But the downside to all that vintage is the way things seem to keep falling apart. The sink is leaky, the cabinet is crooked, and a couple days ago, one of the legs on the bathroom vanity came off. A little part of me went, Ugh! When will things just be perfect so that I can finally enjoy living here?

You know how much I love a good metaphor. This one is hitting me hard today. Things break. Things fall apart. That’s what they do. The car will break. The car will be fixed. It will break again. School will get harder and then easier and then harder again. Money will flow and get tighter and flow again. We’ll get sick again and well again. I could spend the rest of my life waiting for things to stop breaking and start being perfect. And I’ll be waiting a long time.

I keep breaking and am bound up again. Maybe this is what they mean when they say you should live in the moment. I am looking for the joy in the broken. It’s here. Can you see it? 

love, elizabeth

Look what Elizabeth learned today

When I was a little girl, my mom kept a magnet on the fridge that said, “Look what Elizabeth learned today!” Sitting in the office at school earlier today, staring at the magnets on my desk, and making a mental list of all the ways I failed this week, I remembered that suddenly. And I thought how nice it was that that magnet never said, “Look what Elizabeth was perfect at today!” and better…”Look what Elizabeth totally screwed up today!” 

So in honor of my mom and that magnet, here are some things I learned (or re-learned) this week:

1. Sometimes it feels like the only thing keeping me upright are the breaths I take between things. Sometimes the breaths need to be extra-deep.

2. It can be difficult to reserve judgment about new things and new people. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try.

3. I can look up to someone without having to become them.

4. It’s really important to be authentically, completely me.

5. I don’t have anything to prove. My worth is inherent.

6. So I can be transparent and flawed and transparent about being flawed because it’s okay for other people to see that.

7. I can give myself away without giving myself away. Know what I mean?

 

So share with me. What are you learning, re-learning, knowing in a new way as this week draws to a close?

love, elizabeth

Freedom to Fail

Last night I was reading this post from Ashley over at A Recipe for Sanity. Ashley is such a kind, thoughtful, deep-well of a person and I always love reading what’s going on in her life. When she talked about feeling overwhelmed and praying honest prayers, I was reminded of the peace that comes from having an honest conversation with God.

I tend to be a perfectionist and so when it comes to the many things that take up my time, I get into this mindset: If I can’t do it perfectly, I can’t do anything, at all. I become paralyzed with my need to BE PERFECT. The problem is, and I know you’re shocked, I will never be perfect.

Last Sunday, one of the youth directors at our church spoke about living in God’s grace. It gives us room to live, “freedom to fail,” she said.

 

Source: motherlanddesign.blogspot.com via Kyle on Pinterest

 

I get pretty caught up with my desire to do things perfectly. And I am pretty unkind to myself when I don’t measure up. I have to ask myself, does this really matter? Does it matter if I get perfect grades or have a spotless home or impress every person I meet? Do I always have to know the answer? Does everyone have to like me? Can I make a mistake? Can I make a bad decision and just choose to learn from it? Will the world really end if I don’t “get it right?”

So this month, with grad school starting again and classes and work and all the pressures that come with that, I am choosing to remember I have been given the freedom to fail, to not measure up, to fall down and get up again.

 

Source: louboosandshoes.blogspot.com via Kyle on Pinterest

 

What about you? Is it difficult for you to give yourself permission to be less than perfect? Do you have a story about feeling freedom to fail?

love, elizabeth