No Returns, Refunds, or Exchanges

In the car today, I was teasing Kyle that I had better take good care of him since I couldn’t get my money back. I decided to write a manufacturer’s warranty tag for my husband

 

 

Limited Warranty for Kyle:

Made in Heaven. See reverse side for care instructions.

All sales final. No returns, refunds, or exchanges. As husband is guaranteed one of a kind, unique, and original purchase, some variation in texture/color/materials/odor is normal. Customer agrees that all maintenance shall herewith be administered by responsible party. This warranty does not cover dents, nicks, bruises, and/or internal damage. This warranty does not cover any improper use of husband, including but not limited to childish insults, backseat driving, (accidental) food-poisoning, throwing of pots and pans, PMS-induced rage, and submersion in water and/or storage near heat source. Hand wash cold. Tumble dry low as needed. Snuggling, picture-hanging, and bad taste in movies included.

 

What about you? If you were writing a limited warranty for a partner or spouse, what would it say?

love, elizabeth