Thursday, December 8, 2011

Am I Lonely?

Last week, I read this post by Jennifer over at There is a Season and it reminded me of a strange moment I had over the last holiday weekend. Kyle had gone to work and I was decorating the Christmas tree, alone, in my big fuzzy red slippers, listening to Michael Buble on repeat. I had had plans to spend time with a friend for the evening but she had cancelled at the last minute and as I strung string after string of lights, I began to feel sorry for myself. I imagined how fun it would be to decorate with someone else around. I turned up the music. I made a mental list of all the people in Ohio I could call and ask to hang out. It was a short list. I danced around a little. I imagined Kyle not at work but sitting on the couch telling me how pretty everything looked. I had a conversation with the dog. I moved the Christmas tree three inches to the left. Two inches to the right. And then I blurted the question right out into the stillness of our apartment. The question I had been dreading asking.

"Am I lonely?"

No one answered.

The point of this post isn't really to say that I'm lonely. It's a more of a realization that I haven't been taking stock of my own feelings. I'd been so busy rushing around, filling up the day, I hadn't taken the time to consider what sort of heart-hole I was trying to fill.

What about you? Had any surprising realizations lately?

love, elizabeth


Mrs. Pancakes said...

Always a thoughtful post know I think you helped me out a lot to come to my realization...on an old post you talked about making Christmas about the simple giving books and small things like that as a gift and it really resonated then I started reading Christmas is Not your Birthday and I haven't been stressed one iota this holiday season! And that's an awesome feeling because I'm taking everything in strides!

Jennifer said...

It's important to do that - take stock of our feelings. Take time for ourselves and our hearts, especially around the holidays. This time of year, I love to turn off all the lights and sit with a mug of cocoa and just sit with my thoughts and my tree and just be. For me, when I take time for myself and can at least acknowledge what I'm feeling - like the lonely ones - I just feel better somehow.

Thanks for the shout out. It makes me smile when others have read something I've written and it has impact on them.

Hoping your season is merry and bright and has time for you to be still too. <3

Ashley @ A Recipe for Sanity said...

It's definitely important to take time and realize what we truly feel. We often use activity to cover up those things. And the thing is, it's actually okay to be lonely.


Megan said...

It's so important to take time for ourselves!! We can definitely easily get caught up in life and forget to evaluate how we are feeling!!

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