I HAVE SLAIN THE BEAST AND LO, HE IS DEAD.

You heard me right. My candidacy exam is OVER. 18 hours, 42 pages, $87 in library fines, and an unholy amount of coffee later and I am DONE.

I am too tired to say much of anything about it except that actually sitting down and writing was pretty fun. And that feeling when I was finally done, when I had turned it all in…it seriously felt like I had wrestled an alligator or something. 

My oral defense is next week so I’m not out of the woods yet BUT it’s out of my hands and I’m glad for that. (Don’t let this bravado fool you…I’m nervous about that, too!)

After almost six months of preparing for this exam, I am suddenly done with it. Crazy town. And I’m so excited for Thanksgiving break! I have some super fun Christmas projects I’ve been dying to get to and BLOGGING! You guys, I can blog again!!!

Thank you to everyone for all of their sweet encouragement, especially this last month. It really got me through.

love, elizabeth

Being Intentional

Here’s the thing about this semester. I feel so lost. Studying for this candidacy exam or comps or generals or whatever it is we call it…it’s completely confusing. I mean, it sounds straightforward when they explain it to you. “Read this list of books. Take a test. Defend your answers. Pass.” But right now I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of reading in four different disciplines within my field and I am petrified that I am screwing this up. I can’t read fast enough or smart enough or carefully enough. There’s the time frame, too. 18 hours of writing…18 hours??? Who thought THAT up? I don’t even know if I have 18 hours of knowledge inside of me. And no matter how many times people tell me that I don’t need to know everything in every book, I still keep trying to read every word of every sentence of every chapter and I just don’t have TIME for that. The exam is two months away and I feel like I know less than ever. All that being said…this too will pass. Like every other impossible academic thing I’ve done so far, it will happen.

I’ve been realizing that a good part of my discouragement is coming from a feeling of aimlessness. I have somehow lost my intentionality.

And it’s not just my study habits that are suffering right now. It’s my downtime. I am realizing that I need to be just as intentional about the time I’m NOT reading as the time I am. It’s not actually restful or helpful if I spend every moment away from my books feeling guilty about not reading, worrying, making lists, or watching hours of mindless television streaming on the internet. I need to be intentional about seeking real rest and real renewal. I need to be intentional about physical activity. I need to be intentional about eating balanced meals and getting enough sleep. I need to be intentional about blogging.

Blogging has been a real place of solace and peace for me in the last couple of years. I really don’t want to lose its place in my routine. But that requires intentional time. I am choosing to blog right now. I am not watching TV. I am not sleeping. And I am not studying. I am blogging.

I guess the thing I’m learning is that being intentional in any circumstance requires you to live, if only temporarily, in that present moment. I need to live inside of a moment instead of trying always to bypass it, rush through it, always planning for the next crisis. I need to be here. With you. For just this moment.

love, elizabeth

moh-tuh-vey-shuhn, noun, from the medieval latin mōtīvus

Uhhh, you know how bloggers, lots of bloggers, get into a rhythm and a schedule? Like they post every day and they plan ahead and work it all out? This is not one of those posts. I just needed someone to talk to.

I am really flagging when it comes to my personal motivation lately. I have a reading list the size of Mars and the end of summer is looming ALREADY and I can’t summon the energy to clean the apartment or empty my inbox or study or ANYTHING. I want to be successful, I want to buckle down and get stuff done. But right now I feel like I’m just watching the calendar pages floating away like they do on old Saturday morning cartoons and I just want to stop the clock for another five or six weeks. WHEW.

I just needed to get that out there into the universe. This weekend, I plan to clean the apartment until it squeaks. And then maybe that reading list will seem more manageable somehow. I just can’t think inside the mess.

Alright. Make me feel better. What helps you get re-motivated when you’re in a slump?

love, elizabeth

Tea Party

It’s finals week and that means much caffeine and little sleep (and a whole lot of teeth grinding – my jaw has been popping all day from the stress). But God gives us solace in the little, quiet spaces between things. And this was mine today.

What about you? Had a little moment of solace this week?

love, elizabeth

Dance Break: N'SYNC

This video + 70 degree weather + studying for finals = best Sunday afternoon ever. My favorite part is when they fight the G.I. Joes.



Get it? They’re plastic dolls. But you bring them to life, girl. There ain’t no time to waste. You’re just too blind to see.

Dance it out, JT. I’m feeling you.

love, elizabeth

Studying is the New Partying

Sometimes I look at my blog and think…this is not really representative of my day-to-day. Yeah, I like to take pictures of the dog and clean the apartment and take Kyle on whimsical dates but honestly, the majority of my time is spent studying. And for as much as I sometimes long for nights without homework, I really, really love grad school. Especially when I get to read about people I really love like the playwright/journalist/novelist Djuna Barnes. I’ve spent so much time reading about Djuna, that I’ve stopped using her last name. We’re that close. On that nerdy note, if you want to read an amazing expose, a spunky young journalist wrote in 1914, go here. She is so crazy-brave in her writing and her work. Here’s a picture of her. You can just tell how sassy she is…

 

Source: google.com via Elizabeth on Pinterest

 

So my point is…what was my point again? Oh, yeah, I love studying.

 

 

I’m settling in for another few hours of work and as you can see…I am prepared.

Kyle even bought me my drink of choice with his sexy, sexy partner discount. There is seriously nothing more charming than my husband holding a venti Café Misto with a shot of espresso…sigh.

Lady Starbucks isn’t bad-looking either but that’s probably just the copious amounts of caffeine talking.

Okay, back to my books…

Anything you feel nerdy about?

love, elizabeth