I HAVE SLAIN THE BEAST AND LO, HE IS DEAD.

You heard me right. My candidacy exam is OVER. 18 hours, 42 pages, $87 in library fines, and an unholy amount of coffee later and I am DONE.

I am too tired to say much of anything about it except that actually sitting down and writing was pretty fun. And that feeling when I was finally done, when I had turned it all in…it seriously felt like I had wrestled an alligator or something. 

My oral defense is next week so I’m not out of the woods yet BUT it’s out of my hands and I’m glad for that. (Don’t let this bravado fool you…I’m nervous about that, too!)

After almost six months of preparing for this exam, I am suddenly done with it. Crazy town. And I’m so excited for Thanksgiving break! I have some super fun Christmas projects I’ve been dying to get to and BLOGGING! You guys, I can blog again!!!

Thank you to everyone for all of their sweet encouragement, especially this last month. It really got me through.

love, elizabeth

First Day of School Essentials

Today is my first official day back to school for the autumn semester. It’s a strange feeling because this is the first time since I started college back in 2003 that I will not be in actual classes. But I AM studying and teaching and very, VERY excited about that.

Let’s see…

Cute first-day-of-school outfit complete with adorable vintage necklace I found in a box of my mom’s old stuff…check.

Peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut into triangles plus plum…check.

New planner for all of my planning…check.

Book from my specialization list because downtime is the devil…check.

Point and shoot camera to capture the day…checkity-check.

Off to face the day! If/when you were in school, what’s your first day essential? Don’t forget…GIVEAWAY MONDAY!!!

love, elizabeth

Studying is the New Partying

Sometimes I look at my blog and think…this is not really representative of my day-to-day. Yeah, I like to take pictures of the dog and clean the apartment and take Kyle on whimsical dates but honestly, the majority of my time is spent studying. And for as much as I sometimes long for nights without homework, I really, really love grad school. Especially when I get to read about people I really love like the playwright/journalist/novelist Djuna Barnes. I’ve spent so much time reading about Djuna, that I’ve stopped using her last name. We’re that close. On that nerdy note, if you want to read an amazing expose, a spunky young journalist wrote in 1914, go here. She is so crazy-brave in her writing and her work. Here’s a picture of her. You can just tell how sassy she is…

 

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So my point is…what was my point again? Oh, yeah, I love studying.

 

 

I’m settling in for another few hours of work and as you can see…I am prepared.

Kyle even bought me my drink of choice with his sexy, sexy partner discount. There is seriously nothing more charming than my husband holding a venti Café Misto with a shot of espresso…sigh.

Lady Starbucks isn’t bad-looking either but that’s probably just the copious amounts of caffeine talking.

Okay, back to my books…

Anything you feel nerdy about?

love, elizabeth

Celebrate Everything

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1. My brand new sun lamp (post to follow). What up, Seasonal Affective?

2. Holding an actual second folio of William Shakespeare in my hands (published circa 1632). Magic.

3. Getting a haircut. My bangs are thanking me.

4. Losing 4.6 pounds this week! I do not even know how that happened but I almost cried when I saw the scale at Weight Watchers.

5. Kyle. I came home from school tonight to a spotless house and two baskets of clean, folded laundry. All of which he did today on his one day off this week. It was such a selfless act of service on his part and I was so humbled by his thoughtful gift to me. I want so badly to be the kind of woman he deserves but on days like today, I feel like I fall so short. And he loves me, anyway. Wow.

6. A really encouraging meeting with my faculty advisor. I have been feeling nervous about my candidacy exam in the fall but now I’m just so excited to start reading officially!

It was a week to celebrate and I’m so thankful.

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What about you? What are you celebrating this week?

love, elizabeth

Parting the Sea

I had a discouraging morning. Without boring you with the details, let’s just say I made some discoveries during a graduate school event that have reminded me of exactly HOW slim the chances of employment are for someone with a PhD in theatre. It’s actually really, really frightening. I’ve spent the last couple of hours mourning. Mourning my decision years and years ago to major in theatre and not something else, to pursue not one but THREE degrees in this field, to move across the country away from my family and friends and put myself through academic hell for this seemingly useless piece of paper. It’s a dark place, you guys.

I’ve always said that every time I’ve asked for a clear sign, God has opened the door, led me farther down this path. I said, “God, if I’m supposed to go to graduate school, please let me be accepted to the one school I really want to attend.” And then I was accepted. I said, “God, if I’m supposed to go to graduate school, please let me have funding.” And I got funding. I said, “God, if I’m supposed to get my PhD, please let me get accepted into the ONE program I applied for.” I got in. Every step, every time.

And this morning, I had a moment of anger and bewilderment. I found myself crying out to God, “Why did you bring me here to Columbus to this program? Why did you get me halfway to my doctorate only to let me discover it’s almost POINTLESS to keep going? Why didn’t you just let me major in nursing??”

And then I was struck, full-force, by a passage in the book of Exodus in the Bible. God has led Moses and the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt (uh, let’s be clear that I am in no way comparing my academic career to actual human slavery). He’s taking them to the Promised Land. God has delivered them from their captors, from their suffering. He has sent plague after plague upon their oppressors. He has delivered them at every. turn. He is actively working to fulfill their dream of freedom and hope and a new life. And then…the Pharaoh of Egypt sends his army after them, to chase them down where they are trapped against the shore of the Red Sea. And so naturally…

"The people began to panic, and they cried out to the Lord for help. […] ‘Why did you bring us out here to die in the wilderness? Weren’t there enough graves for us in Egypt? Why did you make us leave?’” (Exodus 14:10b-11, NLV).

And then…God parts. the. sea. WOW.

It’s like He says to us, “No way forward, huh? I’ll make one. If you would just trust me, Israelites. If you would just trust me, Elizabeth…Trust me and I will part the sea for you.”

 

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This morning I am so humbled by this. I have absolutely ZERO idea what the future holds. Will I finish my PhD? Will I get a tenure-track faculty position at a well-respected university? Will I do something else entirely? I don’t know.

But today, I am asking God to part the sea for me, not so that I can have the most lucrative or high-paying or well-respected job or even so that I can have a steady, stable income and career. Not even that. I am asking God to part the sea and lead me down the path to His dream for me. God, you don’t have to fulfill my dreams. But please, God, fulfill yours through me. Part the sea. And I will cross it.

What about you? What sea are you hoping to cross in your life? I hope today you are ENCOURAGED by the knowledge that God has dreams for you.

love, elizabeth

PS: Stay tuned…a Valentine’s Day giveaway is on the horizon…

Celebrate Everything

Continuing my commitment to celebrate the little things, here’s my weekly celebration list:

1. A cup of tea with my friend Rosie. We had the loveliest conversation.

2. Losing 3.2 pounds this week.

3. A spontaneous date with my husband. I didn’t even realize how much I was craving his undivided attention and advice.

4. Starting the compilation of my candidacy exam reading list. This may sound silly – celebrating a list I haven’t even finished writing (let alone reading) but this one was weighing on my mind and just getting started makes it seem less scary.

5. The Yellow Sale at Bath and Body Works where stuff in the store is up to 75% off. This is a trivial one but I scored some really happy-scented lotion and some cozy candles. Smell is a big one for me, especially in the winter time. My new favorite? Strawberry Sparkler. (Girls, the travel-size is $1.25 online right now…just saying…)

Well, there we go. Operation: Celebrate Everything continues…

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What about you? What are you celebrating this week?

love, elizabeth

Celebrate Everything

What would my daily life be like if I intentionally celebrated not just the big stuff but the little stuff, too? Sometimes I think I get so wrapped up in the big picture goals that I forget about all the little baby successes I had along the way. So I’m trying something new…

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This week I am celebrating…

1. Seeing “Doctor of Philosophy” for the first time below my name on the graduate student photo directory in the lobby. I’m not a PhD yet but seeing those words reminded me how excited I am to be a day closer to my degree.

2. Eating right. I just got back from my Weight Watchers meeting and I lost four pounds!

3. The first real snow in Columbus. It may only have been an inch or so but it was a glorious powdery delight to me and Madigan.

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I think I’m going to try to do this every week. What about you? What little (and big) successes can you celebrate this week?

love, elizabeth

Just Do the Next Thing

Sometimes I write my blog post titles and think, Well, now no one needs to read the actual post. This might be one of those times.

It's easy for me to feel a little panicked with the Monday dawn. Sometimes the whole being-a-PhD-student-thing accompanied by the married-woman-thing and the volunteer-advocate-thing with a heavy helping of the being-a-grownup-thing is a tad on the overwhelming side. Sometimes I want to scream, WHO GAVE ME ALL THESE THINGS?? THERE ARE TOO MANY THINGS!

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In an occasional fit of panic, I call my mother who gives me the advice I now know by heart. It's very good advice. And very comforting to a worried worrier like me.

"Just do the next thing," she says. "Not ALL the things. Just the next one."

So today, I am trying to focus on "just the next thing."


What about you? What helps you cope when you're feeling overwhelmed?


love, elizabeth