The Ritual

Every time we finish a cycle of illness in our house (you know…the thing where Kyle gets sick and then I get sick and then we’re both sneezing buckets of snot, hacking up our lungs, stock-piling mountains of used tissue, and reaching desperately for another dose of Day-Quil), I have this ritual. It’s a little like an exorcism, but more cheerful.

The Howard Hughes in me imagines little cold-germies infesting our apartment. I freak out. And then I do this.

I scrub every conceivable surface with anti-bacterial wipes.

I replace our toothbrushes.

And our contact lens cases.

And our sheets and pillowcases.

I light a candle. And I thank God that head-colds don’t last forever.

love, elizabeth

DIY: Valentine’s Day Decorations

Like I said, Valentine’s Day is kind of one of my favorite holidays…and this year I had fun making my own decorations.

I wrapped some strips of newsprint around plain glass votives and tied them with ribbon.

This is a recycled metal rose that Kyle bought me at a renaissance fair a few years ago…

I glued five or six white and black hearts together and hung them staggered in the living room window.

It’s interesting how things connect in our brains. All the heart shapes and images that have shown up this February have stuck with me.

Sometimes I’m not sure who can be trusted with my heart. I have lots of wonderful friends and family and I love them all. But I think sometimes that I open myself up too much. Am I too trusting, too careless with my heart? I only have the one very vulnerable, very young heart and sometimes I worry about giving too much of myself away.  I wonder about this and I wonder about my fear and I wonder about the wisdom of really being yourself fully and totally in this world.

It’s important to let people in. But maybe I do this too easily, too much. The fact is, not everyone deserves my whole heart. Only a few, in fact. I also want to be sure that I’m the kind of person that can be trusted with the hearts of others. It’s not every day someone hands you their heart.

What about you? Who do you trust with your heart, your deepest, most personal thoughts and feelings and self? Do you always feel safe doing that? Have you ever regretted it?

love, elizabeth

Making My Own Sunshine

Source: Uploaded by user via Elizabeth on Pinterest

Yesterday, I talked about suffering from seasonal affective disorder (you can read that post here).

I want to talk about fighting it. I have to consistently remind myself that while the weather is out

of my control, I can exert control over some pretty important things. I call it my battle plan.

Eating right. Part of my effort to fight SAD this winter is to make a conscious effort to eat good,

high-nutrition food instead of blowing through empty carbohydrates in an effort to control my

mood (especially in the evening). I started Weight Watchers just before the new year and so

far, I’ve felt really successful at managing my mood swings and cravings. WW is great for me

because I don’t feel like I have to deny myself when I’m hungry but it’s great for helping me

determine portions.

Creating safe refuge space. Keeping the apartment neat and the clutter to a minimum keeps

me from feeling overwhelmed at night (when I’m more likely to be depressed and anxious).

Comforting scents. Along with some woodsy, cozy candles, I’ve been using more scented

lotion this winter. I’ve noticed that smell has a lot to do with my mood. And though I tend to

stay away from fruitier or more tropical smells, I’ve been using lotion with coconut in it because

it reminds me of sunscreen (and inevitably, the beach).

Strategic lighting. I avoid fluorescent or harsh lighting at night and instead opt for softer lamps

and candles after dark. I’m also trying a combination of grow/sun lamps for short intervals in lieu

of actual sunshine. Eventually, I may have to try professional light treatment through my doctor

but I’m going to try this for a little while first.       

Not leaving important decisions/difficult work for late at night. As a grad student, this is difficult

but I’m trying to change my study habits to manage my depression.  

Making fun plans with people. It gets easy to isolate myself in the winter but I’m working hard to stay

involved with friends and make time for fun outings with Kyle and other couples.

And if all else fails…fantasize about how amazing spring break is going to be in Myrtle Beach.

If I close my eyes tight enough, I can almost feel the rays. March can’t come fast enough.

Source: imgfave.com via Elizabeth on Pinterest

love, elizabeth

Breakfast is an Occasion

Sunday made me long for luxurious mornings every day when one might rise and set the table and light candles and serve fresh blackberries and eggs on toast instead of what usually happens (I wake up late and stuff a handful of Life cereal in my purse.

These little guys were a gift from Sarah courtesy of Paulova Ceramics, available on Etsy here. They make me happy.

Fresh blackberries…

And a pot of my new favorite coffee, the Starbucks blonde roast, Veranda Blend. One of the many perks of being married to a barista.

The point is…breakfast should be an occasion and I just rush over it to all the rest of the stuff in my day. Maybe this will be the motivation I need to wake up earlier?

What about you? What’s your favorite meal of the day?

love, elizabeth