Celebrate Everything

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1. My brand new sun lamp (post to follow). What up, Seasonal Affective?

2. Holding an actual second folio of William Shakespeare in my hands (published circa 1632). Magic.

3. Getting a haircut. My bangs are thanking me.

4. Losing 4.6 pounds this week! I do not even know how that happened but I almost cried when I saw the scale at Weight Watchers.

5. Kyle. I came home from school tonight to a spotless house and two baskets of clean, folded laundry. All of which he did today on his one day off this week. It was such a selfless act of service on his part and I was so humbled by his thoughtful gift to me. I want so badly to be the kind of woman he deserves but on days like today, I feel like I fall so short. And he loves me, anyway. Wow.

6. A really encouraging meeting with my faculty advisor. I have been feeling nervous about my candidacy exam in the fall but now I’m just so excited to start reading officially!

It was a week to celebrate and I’m so thankful.

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What about you? What are you celebrating this week?

love, elizabeth

Making My Own Sunshine

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Yesterday, I talked about suffering from seasonal affective disorder (you can read that post here).

I want to talk about fighting it. I have to consistently remind myself that while the weather is out

of my control, I can exert control over some pretty important things. I call it my battle plan.

Eating right. Part of my effort to fight SAD this winter is to make a conscious effort to eat good,

high-nutrition food instead of blowing through empty carbohydrates in an effort to control my

mood (especially in the evening). I started Weight Watchers just before the new year and so

far, I’ve felt really successful at managing my mood swings and cravings. WW is great for me

because I don’t feel like I have to deny myself when I’m hungry but it’s great for helping me

determine portions.

Creating safe refuge space. Keeping the apartment neat and the clutter to a minimum keeps

me from feeling overwhelmed at night (when I’m more likely to be depressed and anxious).

Comforting scents. Along with some woodsy, cozy candles, I’ve been using more scented

lotion this winter. I’ve noticed that smell has a lot to do with my mood. And though I tend to

stay away from fruitier or more tropical smells, I’ve been using lotion with coconut in it because

it reminds me of sunscreen (and inevitably, the beach).

Strategic lighting. I avoid fluorescent or harsh lighting at night and instead opt for softer lamps

and candles after dark. I’m also trying a combination of grow/sun lamps for short intervals in lieu

of actual sunshine. Eventually, I may have to try professional light treatment through my doctor

but I’m going to try this for a little while first.       

Not leaving important decisions/difficult work for late at night. As a grad student, this is difficult

but I’m trying to change my study habits to manage my depression.  

Making fun plans with people. It gets easy to isolate myself in the winter but I’m working hard to stay

involved with friends and make time for fun outings with Kyle and other couples.

And if all else fails…fantasize about how amazing spring break is going to be in Myrtle Beach.

If I close my eyes tight enough, I can almost feel the rays. March can’t come fast enough.

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love, elizabeth

Throwing the Switch: Seasonal Affective Disorder

Every winter, like clockwork, I. get. sad.

Like really sad.

It’s most difficult at night or on overcast days. Last winter, it was so bad, I started attending counseling. And I couldn’t figure it out. I didn’t understand why it was impossible to feel motivated, why I felt like curling up in a ball and crying in the evening hours, why all I wanted to do was eat or sleep, why I gained weight so quickly. I didn’t understand it, at all.

Until one day last February, when I woke up to the sun shining and the birds tweeting and an unseasonably warm winter day and I had the best day I’d had in months. I was singing in the shower. I was smiling at strangers. I felt like I had energy zinging from my fingertips and the ends of my hair.
It was like someone had flipped a light switch.

And when other people comment on the change in me, I knew there was a connection.
I feel a little like a mad scientist somewhere is screaming, THROW THE SWITCH, IGOR! THROW THE SWITCH!

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Like any other kind of depression, seasonal affective disorder stems mainly from things outside of my control. I can’t send the heavy Ohio clouds away or keep the sun from going down by 5 pm all winter. Sometimes it feels like I’m stuck in a fog or weighed down by a heavy load of bricks. For someone like me who is constantly moving and doing, this lack of motivation is confusing and frustrating and disempowering.

This year, I’m trying to be more proactive about my SAD. I may not have control over the weather or the sun. But I do have some measure of control and I am determined to find it. More on that, next post.

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Anyone else suffer from seasonal depression? How do you take care of yourself?

love, elizabeth

New Every Morning

I’m having one of those slump-weeks. You know what I’m talking about. One of those weeks that starts out with all the good intentions of a Sunday night but peters out by Wednesday at noon.

The apartment is a mess. I feel behind I’m on my work already. Perpetually behind, in fact. And I feel like I have no. energy. I know a huge part of this is my Seasonal Affective Disorder and I have to keep reminding myself that it’s the light deprivation causing a lot of this.

This is the verse that got me going today.

“Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.” – Lamentations 3:22-23

 

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God’s compassion and mercy is new every morning and that makes me feel new every morning!

 

What about you? How’s your Wednesday shaping up?

love, elizabeth

Haunted Pinecones, etc.

This weekend was definitely a fall-ish one for us here in Columbus. We’ve received some sad news from home and Kyle will be flying back to Colorado next week so we thought we’d soak up as much of the autumn as we could.

We carved pumpkins with some neighbors. They’re two-faced. Uh, the pumpkins. Not the neighbors.

Some of our centerpieces.

I decided to hang twinkle lights in the living room to bring a touch of light and warmth into the room at night. They make me happy. I have seasonal affective disorder and I deal with some mood swings in the fall and winter months. Warm lighting helps!

Cupcakes from scratch.

And last but not least…a story. I spotted these scented holiday pinecones in the Giant Eagle this afternoon and was just putting them in my basket when I heard an ominous voice from behind me…

“You’re going to regret that.”

I turn around to see a little old man staring at me.

“Ex-excuse me?” I asked.

“My wife bought those. I made her throw them away.”

“Because…?”

I waited for him to ominously explain how the pinecones were poisonous or caused rashes or were haunted by forest ghosts or something. But apparently, the gentleman found their scent completely overpowering and determined that they were “stinking up the whole house.”

I smiled politely and left as quickly as I could WITH my pinecones. Drat. I was really hoping for some forest ghosts.

 

How was YOUR weekend?

love, elizabeth